Overwhelming sadness. I hate my life. I hate myself. I have no hope. I fear death. I fear life. I dread leaving my home. I just want to nest. I want to be alone. I hate being alone. I want to have "my person." I long to be known. I long for relief. It's nowhere … Continue reading This is Me
It's been a while since I've been at the keyboard for anything other than e-mailing. I need to be here more often. It's how I process, how my brain works, where the words flow, where the jumbled fog in my head becomes just a little bit clearer. Growing up home never felt like a safe … Continue reading My Safe Place
I have long struggled with being a perfectionist. I am FULLY AWARE that I am not perfect nor will I ever be perfect this side of Heaven but it is something I have always strived for. I believe part of the reason I am this way is I grew up with a mother who constantly … Continue reading Recovering Perfectionist
It has been well over a year since I've written anything aside from Facebook, Instagram, and e-mails. Writing has always been my outlet and I haven't been using it. Two years ago last June I quit my job of 13 years and started a new job. I have grown to love my new job very … Continue reading Long Time, No Write
I've never seen the inside of a cocoon. I've never been a caterpillar. But I imagine that inside of that cocoon it is dark. I imagine it seems hopeless. I imagine the caterpillar thinking he will never see light. I imagine him thinking he will die all alone inside that cocoon. I imagine he wishes … Continue reading Emerging Butterfly
Some days I feel like I am such a hypocrite. I have this overwhelming and abiding sense of sadness in my heart that never seems to lift. However my job requires me to be happy, even bubbly as I deal with customers and coworkers. Most of the time I feel like I am completely faking … Continue reading Fake It ‘Til You Make It?
Words have always played an important part in my life. Words carry a great weight with me, when someone says something to me, whether positive or negative, it sticks with me. Words of affirmation is my primary love language. When people say encouraging things to me it is literally like speaking life to my soul. … Continue reading Introduction