I have long struggled with being a perfectionist. I am FULLY AWARE that I am not perfect nor will I ever be perfect this side of Heaven but it is something I have always strived for. I believe part of the reason I am this way is I grew up with a mother who constantly conveyed that nothing I did was ever good enough, like I was never good enough. I spent most of my life trying to be good enough for her and then I realized I will never be good enough for her. I still strove to be good enough in my own eyes and again never was.
I recently decided I needed to make daily, weekly, and monthly goals for myself on adding some positive things back into my life for my mental health. I am learning to give myself grace. I don’t accomplish everything every day or even week and I may not accomplish my monthly goal. However, instead of looking at what I am not accomplishing I am focusing on what I am accomplishing. So, I didn’t do any writing two days in a row. THAT’S OK! I have written more in the past two weeks than I had written in over a year. That is a good thing great thing!
Depression is not something I can just get over. My mental health struggles are not going to go away just because I am adding some positive things to my life. Unless God decides to completely heal me here on earth I will struggle with this the rest of my life. Learning to give myself grace, to be a recovering perfectionist instead of a perfectionist is all just part of the process. Process… yes, this is a process. It is not going to happen overnight or in a month or a year. This is a process that will take the rest of my days on earth and someday… someday God will complete His work in me.
Holding on to hope until that day.
Sheina Renée Writes 